my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
