I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
