I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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