Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
