so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
