A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Even my vagina gasped.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
