I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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