People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
