Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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