i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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