Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize