i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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