Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
