you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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