I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
