I murdered the dance floor call the cops
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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