I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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