so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize