His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
