I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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