Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize