I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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