last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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