community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize