I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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