wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
