is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize