Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My hand turned me down
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
