I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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