ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
