I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize