You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
