Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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