How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
