Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
