It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
