her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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