Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's blow job season.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
