dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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