You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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