question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
