You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
