Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
