The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
