If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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