Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's never too late to be topless.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
