can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
