Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
