I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
