This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
