he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
