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I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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