dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
