So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
