he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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