this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
