i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
