Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
