The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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