Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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