foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
