I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize
