Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
