I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
