I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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