i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
