Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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