But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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