Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
