i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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