he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
