wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
